How much can a body hold

A gunman
Hostage
Attack
Synagogue
Stomach
Drops

If it happens to me
Please don’t send more cops
What happens when I’m praying next to Jews of Color?
What do the bullets do then?
But also
I don’t want to die

Please know the fear
The assumption
That there will always be an excuse to kill Jews
It is always present
On the tip of the tongue
Bubbling at the back of the throat

“See!” this shit keeps happening.
“We must protect ourselves!”

We don’t know how to protect ourselves

My stomach
Drops
Another synagogue
And more cops
And the fear rises
And the islamophobia rises
And military spending rises
And a barbed fence rises
In Palestine
And the left blames the Jews

To be Jewish
And want safety for all people
Palestinians and Jews and Muslims and Arabs and Arab Jews
and every single human soul
Requires air
Deep breaths
Intellectual, emotional, spiritual
Multitudes of seemingly combatting truths
(but are they?)

I want to scream
Israel will not protect us
When fear twists our hearts

It’s okay, it’s okay, they aren’t coming for us anymore
It’s all in our heads
No it’s not

Someone died yesterday
He took people hostage, yes
He is labaled terrorist, yes
There was anger in his heart, yes

Decades of
military intervention
thunder in the foreground

I just want more space to grieve

There are white christians
Who will tweet today
Empty condolences
They bank on the fact that we will keep killing each other